As soon as you tell someone you're expecting, they ask you:
1.) When are you due?
2.) Have you read "What to Expect When You're Expecting"?
Apparently, the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book is to a pregnant woman what Linus' blanket is to Linus (...the Linus from Charles Shultz's Peanuts gang, not Linus from the movie "Sabrina." Not that I've ever watched "Sabrina"...)
|...not the Linus from 1954's "Sabrina" (above)... or the Linus from the 1995 version of "Sabrina" starring Han Solo.|
Anyway, like Linus' blanket, this book is supposed to be comforting, reassuring, and destined to be dragged around and worn out.
I noticed that there are several books out there that focus on the expectant mother. I decided to perform research of my own to find books geared toward the expectant father. The following are a few of the books I've found, and my commentary on each:
|If being an expectant father means I have to buy a hideous shirt like this, I'll pass.|
"This is the worst-looking shirt I ever saw! What, when you buy a shirt like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though."
|I previously purchased this book about a year after the Atomic Wife and I got married, however I archived it on the bookshelf when I realized it was about pregnancy. (Rimshot! BA-DUM-TSSSSH!) (Atomic Wife: This is a joke. Readers: If you don't see any posts after today, call 9-1-1 and/or watch for a future story about what happened to me on the Investigation Discovery Channel.)|
|Contrary to the title, this book has nothing to do with pregnancy or penguins.|
|While an expectorant (and it has a picture of a phlegm child on the box), Mucinex For Kids has nothing to do with expecting a baby.|
As a side note: If I ever start a rock band, I think I might call it "Mucinex and the Expectorants" or "Phlegm Child". I can see it now: FADE IN: A rock concert. The crowd is going wild. "Heeeelllooooo Cleveland! Are you ready to rock!!? WE are Mucinex and the Expectorants, and this is our hit song '12 Granule Packets'! 1-2-3-4!" (CUT TO: Pyrotechnics bigger than any KISS concert.)
Finally: If you have any book recommendations for expectant dads (besides "What to Expect When You're an Expectant Dad Expecting a Penguin Baby From An Expanding Wife with Bubble Gum Flavored Great Expectations, 2nd Edition" by Dr. Han Solo and the Phlegm Children), please leave a comment below.